


self-discovery

by hikasetas



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Misgendering, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, feat supportive rin and shiro, trans yukio rights!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26675014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikasetas/pseuds/hikasetas
Summary: alternate title: 800 words of self-indulgent trans!yukio that literally nobody else asked for
Relationships: Fujimoto Shirou & Okumura Yukio, Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	self-discovery

**Author's Note:**

> before we start, i would like to say that i myself am trans and kind of um. project onto my favorite characters which is why this was birthed but i am (probably) not transmasc and definitely not a trans man so if any of this is like. offensive or incorrect, please let me know
> 
> there’s a few notes before we begin: first is that this is probably pretty ooc so im like. sorry for any mistakes here djsbslsbs 
> 
> there’s some talks of death i guess? that’s mostly because of yukio abandoning his life pre-coming out as yukio so uhh 
> 
> also, before we begin, obviously if you’re transphobic and just clicked into this to be a dick, please go away because i’m Not dealing with that 
> 
> *also* also yukio’s deadname appears a few times and like i said in the tags there’s some misgendering too (rin refers to yukio pre-coming out as his “baby sister,” and yukio uses she/her when thinking about his previous self - originally i wanted to make them seem like different people until the end but i think i made it kind of obvious early on) so just keep this in mind before continuing
> 
> okay, with that said, onto the story! i know the title is really uncreative but i hope this is good ahaha

There was a girl who Yukio once knew: a girl who he had known for as long as he could remember, a girl he thought he’d known like the back of his hand. She was cute enough, with shoulder length black hair and bright teal eyes, but she was blind as a bat and she cried much too often and she had three moles on her face that he always thought looked kind of stupid, even if other people said otherwise. Rin loved her, and his father loved her, and he was pretty sure the priests liked her, too; but the older he got the more Yukio started to hate her very existence. 

It started out as a twinge in his chest when he was five years old and saw “Fuyuko” written across a birthday cake, and after that it started to progress: her hair was much too long, and she was too much of a crybaby and then he would visibly flinch at the sound of her name. 

She started to cry more and more often. Bullies started harassing her, and Rin would always get into fights for her. They’d call him a demon, they’d call him evil; but the girl was just glad that he was there to protect her, even if her heart shook when he would say, with a big grin on his face, “Always happy to help my baby sister.”

And Yukio was quite glad, too: he jumped at the chance to protect Rin when offered; though admittedly he also wanted to become strong enough for him and his brother, wanted to stop being afraid of the demons that followed him wherever he went.

While he trained, Fuyuko grew up. She grew tall, taller than Rin for a time, and that was perhaps the only thing Yukio liked about her. She started to change in ways he was not entirely comfortable with, while Rin just stayed the same as always, more or less, except now he was a little bit taller and a little bit more moody. 

Yukio’s intensive training, on top of him still having to do well at school, contrasted with Rin’s much easier life, slacking off and kept in the dark about their secret, but treated much more leniently. Yukio was starting to become quite jealous of Rin, but he chalked that up to the much less stressful life he led and how he seemed to be the favorite, even as Yukio worked harder and harder to become an exorcist.

And it was the day before the new year started, a few days after he’d turned eleven, that he finally realized that his resentment towards Rin was not merely because of the priests and his father favoring him; it was the fact that Rin got to be a boy, and he did not. He got to be normal, while Yukio got to shoot at things and see demons and wish he was like that stupid older brother of his.

And once he had figured _that_ out, he knew that he could not continue to live as Fuyuko Okumura, pretending that nothing was wrong. 

He stood in front of the mirror and said his name. He cut his hair like Rin’s, and ran up to Father Fujimoto. “Father,” he said, “I have something to tell you.”

Surprisingly, his father did not react badly like all the horror stories said he would; in fact, he smiled. He pulled Yukio in, ruffled his hair, and told him, “Thanks for talking to me, son. You’re a good kid, and I’ll always love you.”

“Thank you, Father,” were the only words Yukio could choke out before his face streamed with tears.

—

The next morning, with the help of his father, he told Rin at breakfast that he was now Rin’s little brother, and Yukio would really love it if he would treat him as such.

“My little brother…?” Rin said. “Oh, hell yeah! That’s so cool, Yukio!”

And with those words, Yukio’s smile, already wide from the success of the previous day, grew several times larger.

—

Now, Yukio Okumura is sixteen years old. Fuyuko Okumura died at eleven, but traces of her still linger, taunting him whenever he meets someone new.

Sometimes, he dreams about her and he wonders if she could’ve grown up happy. But then he remembers how miserable he’d been before he was Yukio, how happy he was to hear Rin call him “brother” for the first time. How Shiemi called him “Yuki-chan” after they’d become friends, and his heart soared.

Yukio looks back on his life, and all of his insecurities and failures. Though nothing was ever anywhere close to perfect (and it still isn’t), he gets to be Yukio Okumura. One part of his life is exactly as he wants it, and that is good enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> update 11/22/20: damn this is Kinda Bad. i feel like i might have to rewrite but i also dont know if i can actually. do that
> 
> ne ways thanks again for reading <3


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